Men With No Feet: Lessons from living in India
Written July, 2013
You can learn a lot by spending a few months in India. Things that will stay with you for the rest of your life. As a Westerner, I was subject to a type of culture shock I could not prepare for. The echoes of the birth of civilization and the windfalls of its destruction are displayed side by side before your very eyes on any random street corner in New Delhi or Calcutta. Here’s a few things I took away:
That a six lane highway can function with absolutely no rules of the road, no lanes, no lights, no speed limit, and people can still get to where they need to get to on time. That you can ride in the back seat of a rickshaw going well over 60 mph with no doors on either side, no seatbelt and never come close to falling out. That running a mile in a city that is waste deep in dust is almost four times as hard as running a mile in a less polluted area. That showering in a bucket makes you hyper aware of how much water you use. And makes you praise the gift of hot water. That despite the belief that India is always hot, depending on where you are, an Indian winter can be unbearably cold at night. That your clothing will catch on fire if you leave it too close to the portable heater. That squatting down to defecate in a hole with an 8 inch diameter can actually feel much better than a traditional Western toilet. That is if you remember to bring toilet paper with you. That forgetting to bring toilet paper with you in the morning can make you nervous for the entire day, and very cautious of what you choose to eat. Being white means that people think you’re rich. If you are white and can afford to be in India you are probably richer than 90% of the people you meet, so they are correct in assuming that. That smiling is the universal language. You shouldn’t smile at a man if you are a woman, especially a young and pretty woman.
That contraceptives are incredibly hard to come by. Hence, there are over 1.4 billion people in India.
That stray dogs act much differently than domestic dogs. Yes, they bite. Yes, they are rabid. That it is incredibly hard to say no to feeding a starving dog that has been violently mistreated its entire life. That it is incredibly hard to say no to feeding a starving child that has been violently mistreated its entire life. If you stay long enough you will eventually realize that although you want to help you can’t feed every unfortunate being. You will slowly start to give less and less and to ignore more and more. You will convince yourself that you are doing the right thing by ignoring them, rationalizing with thoughts like “they’ll probably give this money to their child pimp who has been drugging them,” or, “If I give food to this one dog he may never leave me alone and I can’t afford an illness right now,” either way, you will still feel tremendous guilt when they walk away and leave you alone. You will start to ignore that guilt as well. You will call that “getting used to living in India.”
That a child with a weapon is scarier than an adult with a weapon. That a child has the ability to inflict severe pain and even death on you. By child I mean under the age of six.
That somehow, seeing live animals in a restaurant makes eating them less appetizing. That there is almost a locker room respect given to anyone who can eat meat in India, because of how open the slaughtering process is, its not tucked away in hidden factories.
That there is no realistic way to store all the garbage and human waste that gets thrown out, and people wind up stacking up to 80 ft tall mountains of it. This trash will make you furious and say things like “Why don’t people just clean up after themselves!?” And then it will make you hopeless, when you realize the impossibility of ever getting rid of it. You will accept your fate of living in a city that is covered in trash, and realize that its not so bad. Everyone else there has realized that its not so bad.
You will not be able to comprehend how so many people live here normally. There is nothing normal about this place. After about 3 weeks it will feel normal and you won’t be able to imagine how you’ll adapt to your life back at home.
The Chinese say “I once was upset because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.” You will see men who have no feet. You will see women who have no feet. It is possible to be happy even if you have no feet.
That if you do not have access to a doctor when you get injured, that that injury can develop into a serious deformity. Many people who did not have access to doctors when they experienced a severe injury now have permanent deformities. These range from indented skulls, limbs that resemble capital letters, missing eyes, ears, teeth, toes and fingers. When you arrive in India, this will occupy most of your attention, but, hopefully, you will start to see other things. You will still be conscious of these grueling realities, you will just learn to deal with them in less scaring way.
It is possible to get used to the smell of urine. You can have an enjoyable, self reflective walk over almost two miles of a river of piss and shit. You can ignore up to eight flies that have placed themselves in your mango smoothy, day after day. That mango smoothy may prove to be the best part of your day. You will pretend to ignore the shit stains on the mans hand who made it for you, and the half pound of sugar he dumped into it. Two hours later you’ll regret drinking it.
That no one shows up on time. That even though no one shows up on time, you should still show up on time.
That old people are very wise, and worthy of respect. This will be more evident in the Indian lifestyle, and not just a thing that people say, as it is in America. That you can learn a lot from people who have not been traditionally educated. That Eastern wisdom is very different from Western wisdom, and takes some time to understand. That there is something beautiful about showing up late. This still does not mean to show up late.
Use your Western wisdom, and don’t eat street food, even when you’ve fully adapted.
That really bad pop music is regarded very highly by the youth. That people who have TV’s sit in front of them for over four hours at a time. Neither of these observations are any different than in the US.
That families of lizards will somehow find a way to live into your closet, and come out at night. This will be frightening at first, but come to be quite charming. You’ll have your lizard friends.
That being around millions of people every day can make you extremely lonely.
That each city and region in India is like an entire different planet. That India is one of the most incredible places in the universe. That many Indian religions focus on getting in touch with the universe. That religion is a physical performance that devotees do, not a heady/cerebral task. That it is normal to practice meditation publicly, most places. That meditation, if you choose to try it, will change your life for the better.
That some physical structures that still stand are over five thousand years old.
That there is an amazingly educated and advanced modern-art world in India. It takes a keen urban sense and sophisticated eye to find, but once you discover it, it will feel like an entire different city.
That if you’re white, people will want to take your picture. It will feel violating. More violating if you’re a woman. It will also be flattering, but you may not admit that to anyone else.
That dealing with death is an average part of the day. You will be especially aware of this if you visit Varanasi, where cremations happen publicly. You should visit Varanasi, not for the cremations, but for the experience of seeing cows graze the beach, snake charmers, shamans, gurus, Agoris, the Ganges river, rituals with up to a hundred thousand people, temples, and performances. Just trust me on Varanasi.
That visiting a shopping mall might be the most purifying and refreshing thing you do all month. Seeing Western brands will make you feel nostalgic, maybe even homesick. You will find it very hard not to spend money. The irony is you’ll buy something in India you could have bought at home much cheaper.
That it gets hot in India. No I’m not talking about New York in the summer, I’m not talking about Florida in the summer, I’m not even talking about Arizona in the summer. I’m talking India. That if you’re a woman, and even though its that hot, you’ll still dress in modest clothing. If you don’t, that’s ok, you’ll just have more pictures taken of you.
That English words get spelled wrong constantly. On billboards, menus, taxi and bus advertising. It will drive you crazy, but it will be quite funny.
That you will secretly think you are better than Westerners you meet on the Subcontinent who have spent less time in India than you.
That you’ll be relieved to finally go home. That you’ll realize you’d have forgotten all the privileges you used to ignore. Things like taking a hot shower whenever you want will feel like a terrific luxury. Eating steak will never be the same either. Reverse culture shock will be a lot more dis-heartening than original culture shock was un-settling. You may develop Western guilt and self hatred for a period of time.
Knowing how unfortunate most of the world is, you will want to do something about it. This will probably all go away with time.
You’ll claim you’re going to go back, but not know when. You may never go back. You may.
